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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24773095">Not Father Material</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieK101/pseuds/KatieK101'>KatieK101</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Warriors - Erin Hunter</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Breezepelt's thoughts on becoming a father, F/M, HAPPY ENDING!!, something of a character study</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-06-17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-04 08:07:58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,875</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/24773095</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/KatieK101/pseuds/KatieK101</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"No, no he wasn't ready for this! - He wasn't playful, gentle, or inspiring. He was arrogant, defensive, and reckless. - This had to be some kind of cruel joke. - Did Heathertail forget who his father was? - Did he even want to be a father? - She claimed she loved him. - It was all an act. - He couldn't be a father. It just wasn't in him."</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Breezepelt/Heathertail (Warriors)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>41</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Not Father Material</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"I'm expecting our kits."</p><p>No.</p><p>No, he <em>wasn't ready</em> for this. He wasn't… he didn't…</p><p>No, this couldn't be happening. <em>I heard her wrong</em>. Yes, that must've been it. He simply heard Heathertail wrong.</p><p>"Sorry Heathertail, what'd you say?"</p><p>She huffed. "Of course I just gave you life-changing news and you didn't even hear me. I said I'm expecting our kits!"</p><p>Oh.</p><p>Oh <em>no</em>.</p><hr/><p>He wasn't meant to be a father. He wasn't father material.</p><p>He wasn't goofy and playful like Leaftail; he wasn't kind and gentle like Emberfoot; he wasn't respectable and inspiring like Onestar.</p><p>He was just <em>Breezepelt</em>: traitor to the Clans; ill-tempered and defensive; skilled but arrogant, and bold but reckless. Cats didn't like to be around him for longer than a patrol. After the Dark Forest Battle, they couldn't even look him in the eye.</p><p>He wasn't playful, gentle, or inspiring. He was arrogant, defensive, and reckless.</p><p>Who would want these traits passed down to their kits?</p><hr/><p>Forget his personality, what about his <em>reputation</em>?</p><p>He was the infamous son of Crowfeather and Nightcloud. Crowfeather, who broke the Clans' precious Warrior Code, and Nightcloud, who fought more with her mate than an enemy warrior.</p><p>He had three half-Clan, half-siblings. He ambushed one of them (the <em>blind medicine cat, </em>worst of all!), and watched with glee when another one was murdered.</p><p><em>He</em> was a murderer. He killed Clan cats in the Dark Forest Battle, and he didn't even have the decency to find out who. Even now he didn't particularly care about their names.</p><p>He was a traitor. When the Dark Forest told him of their plan to destroy the Clans, he hadn't protested. He hadn't warned anyone. Instead he strategized with the Dark Forest; provided them with information, made them stronger. He betrayed WindClan, his family, his friends. Those who trusted him, fought for him and fought alongside him. Those who he grew up with, and who he slept underneath the Silverpelt with.</p><p>He had been prepared to kill them all.</p><p>And <em>he</em> was going to be a <em>father.</em> </p><p>This had to be some kind of cruel joke.</p><hr/><p>Did Heathertail forget who <em>his</em> father was? Did she forget how his father had treated him?</p><p>She had it easy. Her father was Onestar, leader of WindClan.</p><p>He never had it easy. His father was Crowfeather, and that alone was enough said.</p><p>Did she forget? But how could she? Crowfeather had been her mentor, after all. She'd grown up watching them interact. Watching them argue and hiss at each other. They didn't have a relationship to be proud of.</p><p>They didn't have a relationship at all.</p><p>He didn't have a relationship with his father. He didn't know how to be a father. He couldn't be a father.</p><p>And yet...</p><p>Maybe this was StarClan's way of punishing him.</p><hr/><p>Did he even <em>want</em> to be a father?</p><p>His immediate answer was 'no'. Never.</p><p>But…</p><p>Maybe, one day…</p><p>With Heathertail, at least. He'd had a crush on her ever since they were apprentices. He always thought that, if he did have kits with someone, that someone would be <em>her</em>. It crossed everyone's mind, eventually.</p><p>But those were the thoughts of a foolish apprentice. Back when he still clung onto the hope that Crowfeather and Nightcloud could love each other, and behave like <em>normal</em> mates. Back before Hollyleaf revealed the truth behind her and her brothers (<em>his brothers</em>) parentage.</p><p>There was no going back after that. Nothing could ever be the same. Hope was for the young, foolish apprentice. He was a warrior by then. A warrior whose heart had been hardened by reality.</p><p>After that Gathering, he never thought about becoming a father ever again.</p><hr/><p>Maybe he'd entertained the thought of becoming a father when he was younger, but that was before Hollyleaf ruined the Gathering. Before he was a warrior.</p><p>Before Heathertail adored Lionblaze.</p><p>Lionblaze… he'd just had kits of his own. Three of them, actually. Two daughters and a son. He named them after his fallen Clanmates.</p><p>How thoughtful. How considerate. How noble.</p><p>He was Heathertail's first love. She wanted a tom just like Lionblaze; thoughtful, considerate, noble.</p><p>She never wanted Breezepelt. Never. She told him once that they would only ever be friends. Best friends, sure, but never more. Never mates. She said she could never love him.</p><p>That was back when they were both young and foolish, although she never struck him as foolish. After all, if he were in her position, he wouldn't have chosen him for a mate either. Too many issues. Wasn't worth the time. Wasn't worth ruining her own pretty reputation.</p><p>Oh, she'd protest if he ever mentioned it; she would claim he changed her mind, and that she loved him dearly, and he was just repeating everything he heard cats whisper behind his back.</p><p>But he knew the truth. Heathertail only agreed to become his mate because she wanted a family, and she knew Breezepelt would never love anyone but her. Breezepelt had only asked her because he knew that this time, she would finally say 'yes'. She was tired of being alone.</p><p>She claimed she loved him. He knew the truth.</p><p>If Lionblaze strolled into their camp and asked her to be his mate, she wouldn't hesitate.</p><p>Thoughtful. Considerate. Noble.</p><p>Arrogant. Defensive. Reckless.</p><p>Breezepelt couldn't say he blamed her.</p><hr/><p>His Clanmates pretended they were thrilled.</p><p>"Kits are such a blessing," Willowclaw gushed.</p><p>"You're going to love parenthood!" Emberfoot exclaimed. "There's nothing else like it!"</p><p>"Do you have names picked out yet?" Sunstrike asked, excited.</p><p>They were all faking it for Heathertail's sake. They had to be. There was no way in StarClan they were genuinely excited for the arrival of <em>his </em>kits. Surely, as soon as he turned around, their joyful smiles were replaced with expressions of dread.</p><p>Yes, that must have been it. It was all an act.</p><p>After all, if Breezepelt didn't want these kits, how could his Clanmates?</p><hr/><p>He couldn't do it. He just couldn't.</p><p>He couldn't take his Clanmates judgment.</p><p>He couldn't let Heathertail down again.</p><p>He couldn't be a father.</p><p>It just wasn't in him. He just wasn't father material.</p><p>And so he would leave WindClan. Maybe he would join another Clan (he'd been told he had the temperament of a ShadowClan warrior), but most likely he would live the life of a loner. He'd lived that life for almost a moon after the Dark Forest battle, until Heathertail hunted him down and begged him to return to WindClan.</p><p>Ugh, why did he listen to her? Why did he come back?</p><p>That StarClan-forsaken she-cat, always clouding his vision and influencing his decisions!</p><p>She was the reason he was going to be a father. She was the reason he'd returned to WindClan.</p><p>She was the reason he joined the Dark Forest.</p><p>She was the reason he wouldn't return to WindClan and say good-bye.</p><p>He couldn't. He couldn't look her in the eye and tell her that she would have to raise these kits on her own (and he<em> certainly</em> couldn't tell her to find another tom to raise them with). He couldn't express his love for her, and tell her that he was doing this for her own good. He couldn't tell her that she was better off without him.</p><p>He couldn't.</p><p>And so he wouldn't.</p><hr/><p>Heathertail intercepted him before he even reached the border.</p><p>Of course she did. She just couldn't help but make everything even harder on him.</p><p>StarClan-forsaken she-cat.</p><p>Love of his life.</p><p>She followed him and told him that running away from his problems wouldn't make them disappear and that he would make a brilliant father, and if he did flee the Clan then she would simply follow him and bring him back again.</p><p>He tuned her out and continued to press onward. She wasn't going to change his mind. He was doing this for her own good, and for the good of their unborn kits.</p><p>He thought he could handle any lecture she gave him. He thought he was prepared for the whole 'I love you, why can't you get that through your thick-skull, you hare-brained tom' speech. He thought he knew all her methods.</p><p>He was wrong.</p><p>She'd never cried before.</p><p>He'd paused, even though he knew that if he did he would never make it past that border, and went back to comfort her. She cried on his shoulder and told him that she was scared too, and she was afraid the kits would hate her, and that she couldn't raise them by herself.</p><p>She said she needed him.</p><p>She said she <em>wanted</em> him.</p><p>He said, okay.</p><hr/><p>His daughters were born roughly two moons later, and Breezepelt would be lying if he said he didn't love them with every fiber in his being.</p><p>At a half-moon old, Smokekit and Brindlekit were his absolute pride and joy. They made him smile and laugh. They made him tell jokes and become more involved in the Clan. He and Heathertail had never been so close.</p><p>Life was amazing.</p><p>"See?" Heathertail whispered in his ear one night, after he'd placed the sleeping kits in their nest. "I knew you would be a natural."</p><p>Breezepelt couldn't tear his gaze away from his precious daughters as he responded, "I know, I know. Are we really going to have this conversation every single day?"</p><p>Heathertail laughed softly - a sound he would never grow tired of - and snuggled against his side. "I just want you to know that I'm proud of you. You've really stepped up." He licked the top of her head and she purred. "I couldn't ask for a more perfect mate, or a more perfect father."</p><p>Breezepelt was inclined to believe her. He was getting the hang of this whole father act pretty quickly.</p><p>Heathertail stood to her paws and stepped carefully into the nest she shared with their kits. Breezepelt took that as his cue to leave, but Heathertail's sleepy inquiry made him pause. "Stay with me?"</p><p>How could he say no?</p><p>She made room for him in the nest, and he snuggled in behind her, and curled his tail protectively over his daughters. Heathertail laid her head underneath his chin and sighed. "I'm happy," she whispered.</p><p>"I am too," he replied, just as softly.</p><p>Her gaze came to rest on Smokekit and Brindlekit. "They're perfect."</p><p>"That's because they have a part of you in them."</p><p>"They have a part of you too, hare-brain."</p><p>Breezepelt wrinkled his nose. "That's a scary thought."</p><p>Heathertail closed her eyes. "No, no it's not. It's a wonderful thought." A long pause, and for a moment Breezepelt thought she'd fallen asleep. "When they're older - maybe once they're made warriors - I wouldn't mind having more."</p><p>He didn't reply right away. Instead he stroked their kittens gently with his tail, and rasped his tongue soothingly over Heathertail's head. She surrendered to sleep soon afterwards, and her soft snores filled the nursery. Smokekit mewed quietly in her sleep. Breezepelt carefully leaned forward to place a lick on her cheek, and she purred drowsily. The action warmed Breezepelt from the top of his head to the tip of his tail, and evoked a genuine smile from the new father.</p><p>"Neither would I."</p><p>And in that moment, life was perfect.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>an old one-shot that I'm still fond of. </p><p>Breezepelt is one of my favorite characters in the fandom. I love the complex, morally-gray dudes and he fits that bill pretty perfectly. By no means do I defend his actions, but I like to get inside his head and find the motives behind them. I hope you enjoyed this!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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